Life lessons: Gregory.
For Mavin, the globetrotting reporter, Bibi Timmerman, pens her ongoing series of life lessons. In her quest for genuine happiness, she remains ever eager to connect with new individuals and collect insights from their experiences. Recognizing that profound wisdom often resides within the ordinary people one encounters on the streets, she has taken to approaching individuals with a simple yet profound question: What is your biggest life lesson?
It was a Saturday night in the city center of Paris; me and my friends were visiting town for some days full of croissants and vino’s. As I was looking for some adventure I downloaded the dating app bumble and started swiping. After a couple of minutes I had my first match and 10 minutes later we were invited to come to a live music gathering that night with him and his friends. When we arrived, it wasn't so much my date that attracted me but his friend; Gregory. There was something special about him. He told me that he was so unbelievable happy, because he and his wife just had their first baby and it was his first night out. He couldn’t stop smiling and his hips couldn’t stop dancing. When we ended up with the whole group in a falafel place at 01.30 at night - because Gregory invited us out to “have dinner”- I had to ask him my only question. So in the middle of a cold Parisian night, on a pavement surrounded by drunk and kissing people I asked: “Gregory, what is your biggest lifelesson?”
“Don’t lie, tell the truth no matter what (and be kind).”
After my question his voice is changing immediately, and I feel some anger. “My first biggest life lesson is very simple: do not lie. It is something I did and experienced myself: it puts you in a very lonely situation and it’s absolutely bad. So, yes I learned about life from lying, because I lied a lot myself. I lied so much, until a point of sickness. Do you know mythomania? The mythomaniac is the guy who lies so much, it’s a disease: a pathological liar. A person who lies out of a reflex.
And I also was one. I lied about something very big; my job. I told my friends, family, and everybody around me that I was working for like a couple of years and that I had a job, but the truth was: I had no job. This lying put me in a situation of complete loneliness as I told myself and everybody around me different stories about the truth. I felt so down and depressed the whole time, because I was not only lying to my friends and family I was also lying to myself. I was so good in it; so I invented myself a job, and in the end I even invented myself a complete fake identity. This is why you teach children from an early age already that being honest is very important.”
His voice is raising when I ask him why he did it. “I have done it for many reasons that I can’t explain in English now, but I have done it and I experienced it and I tell you again; it’s really bad. Don’t lie, and tell the truth no matter what. The lying stopped when I ‘saved’ myself by finding myself a real - actual existing - job. I had to first find this solution to tell everybody about the real situation. So this real job saved me because I could tell my friends: “Okay guys, I did’t work for a couple of years and I was lying to you, but now I can tell you the truth as I have a job.”
“But what I think it is: be nice, be kind, and be polite. That’s it.”
“The second lifelesson, I really want to share with you is about kindness. I have been living in Paris, a place with a reputation of being a tough city and where people are not especially very kind. So that’s why kindness is extremely powerful in a place like this. If you are nice you are gonna meet some very nice people or you end up in some kind of situation that will help you out in the end. Kindness is absolutely a really big strength. These days we are learning a lot about ‘being strong’, ‘being a leader’, ‘being the big boss’, or ‘being dominant’. You need to have an opinion and a strong voice to be a leader. But what I think is: be nice, be kind, and be polite. That’s it. Being kind gave me a network of sincere and honest people and that is super important in life. It’s a skill that we all should need to value and celebrate more.’’
My brain could’t stop thinking that the two lessons have to be connected to each other, but Gregory totally disagreed with me after I asked him: “No, It’s completely something different. It’s very easy; never lie, because that brings you in bad situations. But always be kind. Now, I’m a real people pleaser and that brings me to fantastic things in life.” His answer sounded very convinced, however I still had my doubts. In my view,connecting this two lessons together make them even more valuable.
